Fiona 的个人资料Wishful thinking...照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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12月31日 New yeeeeearThe first half should be pretty damn stressful.
God knows about the second half.
But all in all I think we'll manage perfectly well, won't we?
Happy New Year, everyone.
(Incidentally, on the book list, watch out for 52nd book in as many weeks - last 5 chapters of Sense and Sensibility to be finished at lunchtime today. Remind me never to read a Jane Austen book again. This one's... memorable... enough. Peh.) 12月29日 About this time of year...I get very philosophical.
For instance, I've just got back from seeing The Relatives, and that always makes me a bit angry, because M goes pathetic and pessimistic on me, nothing touches D or L, and the rest of them irritate me through constant contact and not *quite* getting the same jokes in the same way. Also seen G who decided to explain to us how upset she is that we're so far away, how much she hates the nursing home and how much she wishes she had friends and could be around her family more and walk and that's all well and good, and I'm sure it's true, but I can't be particularly sympathetic because she never talks to anyone unless she has to or she's related to them and that's her own fault. So that's a general familial guilt trip at the moment, and I don't like it especially because it both smells of cabbage and reminds me of human mortality.
Plus it's New Year soon and I've always found it easier to look back and regret than look forward and be scared. That is, very easy. It's been a good year, a very good year, but on the other hand it is a lot easier to regret everything with a certain degree of hindsight and the less I try and think about it, the more screwed up my dreams have been getting recently. The other night, I dreamed I was with a group of about fifty other people being held hostage by some teachers with revolvers in the college library, and I stood on a desk and told them to shoot me because I didn't think they'd have the guts to. (They didn't. Can you die in dreams?) Anyway, the point of this is that I've been thinking a lot about things that I still feel quite guilty for, and I can't seem to stop because it all comes out somewhere.
The History Boys was on last night. I couldn't watch it. The compulsive e-mail checking is now in full flood. 12月24日 Christmas and whatnotWell, it looks to be a good one this year. Partly because I did the whole disillusioned-with-the-MAGIC thing last year, and therefore have given up mourning the death of Santa and illusion in favour of eating as much as my stomach will hold. I didn't think this'd be much at all, considering the last term and general efforts to ensure otherwise, but baked cheesecake calls and I must obey.
Also, in slightly more traditional Christmas spirit, I overdosed on church quite impressively yesterday which was fun, although no mention of Sussex Carol which is undoubtedly my favourite, all Victorian and, I hesitate to say Austen-related but it is (this is entirely separate from the fact that I've been reading Sense and Sensibility (wargh!) it has always been a favourite).
According to Wikipedia, there is a Corpus Christi Carol, but looking at the words it is impossible, and not exactly Christmassy. But there we go. I have also just found out the definition of a Wassail, and it seems about right to me.
I think I shall go now and get on with something important like listening to M explain how much there is still left to do. Ho hum. Happy Christmas, everyone. x 12月17日 Being drunk is worse than deathAccording to this country's youngsters. Here's the best article I found on it (apologies that it's from the Mail...) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=502746&in_page_id=1770 but here is the important bit. According to the UK's under-10s:
What is the very best thing in the world:
1 Being happy.
2 Being famous.
3 Being healthy.
4 Being rich.
5 Families.
6 Good looks.
7 Nice food.
8 Friends.
9 Computer games.
10 Holidays.
What are the very worst:
1 Terrorists.
2 Drunks.
3 Being fat.
4 Bullies.
5 Illness.
6 Dying.
7 Divorce.
8 School.
9 Telling lies.
10 Wars.
And best of all,
Who is the most famous person in the world:
1 The Queen.
2 Harry Potter.
3 God.
4 Father Christmas.
5 Simon Cowell.
6 Jesus.
7 Jonny Wilkinson.
8 Spider-Man.
9 Prince William.
10 David Cameron.
It's official. Harry Potter is more famous than God. Get 'em young. 12月16日 MusingsI am well aware that I am not... really... the kind of person you want to tell things to any more and I am coming to terms with that. I am just not that much good at it. I was, when I was 15, but you weren't around then either and we are no longer 15. You are an Adult. And don't I know it.
Watching Liverpool Nativity at the moment. It'd be nice if the lead parts were at all pleasurable to listen to singing, I can't quite put my finger on why they're not, because it's in tune... just sounds a bit strained. And there just *happens* to be a bloke with an accordion in the background. Otherwise it's pretty good. Apparently though, in a minute, Jennifer Ellison's going to be playing an angel, so it could all change.
Sat at the station with L this morning waiting for a train, on a similar note: what is it about terrible music that makes it terrible? I mean, that in itself is subjective, but any opinions on this would be good. You'd be surprised how hard it is to pin down. For myself, I would tentatively suggest the following:
Having said this, I do have to admit to occasionally choosing my music on the basis of the following:
That is all I can think of for the time being, any additions/amendments greatfully received.
Oh, very nice. No room at the Holiday Inn. Clever you. And a turkey called Bernard.
Just finished Nick Hornby's "How to be Good", which is the second Nick Hornby book I've read this year. The first one, was High Fidelity, and finishing this reminds me of it so much... High Fidelity was the book I read because we all have to get through breakups somehow, for whatever reason, and it just seems strange to me that I've moved on from that so much since the beginning of January. I remember sitting up in bed until 2am to finish it. It also seems strange to me that some trigger this afternoon, a picture of other half of Relationship Long Since Past and I thought: I remember that jumper, and I associate it with the worst choice of films I have ever [collectively] made (the artistic merit of Ice Age Two, anyone?)... and then I wondered, how, how in hell I got from there to here.
And then, having done all this, I put the book down in favour of Sense and Sensibility, and went off to look up train times for going up to London to see the lights. I'm so happy I've got where I have. 12月11日 Here's an interesting questionHow do you trust the testimony of somebody you've done this to? http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7137750.stm 12月9日 MagicWhat is it about humourous mispronunciations by members of boybands? Just heard an otherwise passable (if a little drippy) version of "Love Changes Everything" (not half as good as when Michael Ball did it, I have to say) with the immortal line "Love, love changes everything, hands and faeces, earth and sky". Well done lads. We won't hold it against you.
Royal Variety, absolutely wonderful. The man with the shadow puppets... I'm so proud. It's just a wonderful evening, all exciting and shiny. And I have realised, once again, what it is that I love about musical theatre. It's so energetic and danceable to, I can even tolerate Hairspray depending upon my mood... Plus I love that it's so idealised, there's something wonderful about the happy ending. Oh, and of course, it occasionally has John Barrowman in it. Which is reason enough for anyone. Speaking of whom, he's done a cover of Heaven which I found about half an hour ago and makes me cry. Beautifulbeautifulbeautiful.
Last night was fantastic, I would just like to make a small tribute to it here. The best company, pretty good food, and excellent entertainment including, for instance, Dave excelling itself with a nightful of QI. Unfortunately, however, I forgot to ring R, S, M and all - sorry about that, I intended to, but got distracted.
If anyone has such thing as a picture of us lot on Friday night, I'd love a copy. It rather needs remembering. R cracks me up.
Oh, and by the way, for the record, "You're happy, therefore I'm happy" necessarily means discriminating in some way. I am slightly worried here at the scope for freezing people out, and for your sake and for the sake of everyone around you that is pretty scary, so please take a swift glance at your logic. This takes presidence as a reason for my eyebrows rising slightly, although it is not the only reason.
"Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs, and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses
Helpless to resist the notes I write
For I compose the music of the night" --Phantom of the Opera 12月6日 A love letter, which is also a poem, and you can tell because I've used line spacingThis evening, I have made gingerbread men
I announced to everyone
That I would wash up
And that therefore the kitchen was mine
And that is why I wasn't there
To talk to you this evening
I was up to my elbows in flour
(It went in my glass of wine
But I didn't care)
They are beautiful
With (fairtrade) raisin buttons
I tried to take a photo
To show you what I had done
But it wouldn't work
So I saved you the best one instead.
Today, all things considered, has been a lovely day. I have done lovely things, lovely things have happened, I have spoken to lovely people. I had a cup of coffee with somebody I didn't know very well but would like to. I sent a text message in telegram form with a pun in it. I handed in my English coursework and ate French Fancies, and giggled like a schoolgirl (ironically) as other people looked guiltily at each other and wondered if it would only be for show if they held hands. I baked gingerbread men, played dressing up in front of the mirror as rehearsal for tomorrow, and bought people cookies. L shared her M&Ms, and I took two yellow ones. They made me smile. I talked to you, and that hurt because you're so far away, but I don't care because that won't stop me.
Today, which is Thursday, I spent exactly £5.65. I like today. 12月5日 Every so oftenEvery so often we don't talk for a while and I feel bruised. Out of touch. Unmentioned.
Sometimes, I feel like it is my fault for reverting to type whenever I'm feeling a little vulnerable or stressed or ill or combination of same, and ensconcing myself in the library.
Sometimes, I feel like I am the only one who is making any effort to stay in touch here, and the fact that we do still talk is incidental because you happen across me a few times a week and can't avoid me for half an hour or so.
Well you know what if I just give up here.
It is surprisingly often these days that I feel like I am out of the loop. 12月4日 Important Things, Nigella Lawson, and Then Some: in that orderImportant things first: Cambridge interview was yesterday, I think it went okay but I don't really want to talk about it much in that when I look back here in a year's time knowing what I'll be doing, or even in two months' time, knowing whether I'll have an offer... I don't want to look back and remember HOW MUCH I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH CORPUS CHRISTI AND HOW DESPERATE, DESPERATE I AM TO SPEND THE NEXT THREE YEARS THERE. That's all true and not exaggerated. I love it more than the Thames at twilight, or Mottisfont Abbey, or the waterfront at Cape Town. I love the people and the collective outlook more than I love being in the congregation at Romsey Abbey all singing Jerusalem at the tops of our voices, or being backstage with the people I've worked with for months just before the curtain goes up, or sitting on a train doing a cryptic crossword. There is now maybe a 40% chance, statistically, that I will get an offer, and then about the same again that I will be able to achieve it. If I don't, chances are I will be devastated. If I do, then I can tell you, in a place like this where I will remember it, quite what a breathtaking place it is that I have found.
Nigella Lawson now. Two points: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/career_and_jobs/secretarial/article2772116.ece is one of them (although I still can't tear myself into condemning the people I have met who are pro-Ana - I think it's bad, true, but I can't condemn them), and the other is that Delia is coming back and the two of them make me feel all ecstatic and domestic again. Too many male television chefs irritate me: James Martin is lovely, but on the other hand Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay... that wonderful story about the Antony Worrell-Thompson branded sausages with a picture of him on them and the caption "prick with a fork"... PSSH. Plus Nigella Lawson's attitude to clotted cream is admirable.
I was thinking about people I might count as my heroes earlier, the list at present is approximately as follows: Richard Feynmann, Marcus du Sautoy, Desmond Tutu, Mo Mowlem, Nelson Mandela, G. H. Hardy, Ramanujan, Alan Turing, Daniel Handler, Colin Dexter, Stephen Fry, Delia Smith... and that was as far as I'd got so far. If I think of any others, and there undoubtedly are others, I'll probably add them later. On the offchance that you're interested.
Think that's all for now, I've been rambling quite enough. |
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